Day 238. July 19, 2012

Standard

Today was our 2nd to last rehearsal before our teacher left for Vancouver.

I kept hitting walls with communication with her and I broke down. Hard. Extremely hard.

I hadn’t broken down this much since I was little and it scared me.

I felt like my body was climbing into itself-it was hard to breathe, my hands, ears, and face were going numb-I was crying so hard I couldn’t open my eyes- but I let out so many things that had been building pressure inside of me and I released.

My teacher and group-mates came together as a family and walked this journey with me in more ways than one.

This is how much heart is in this group. This is how much this work connects us- even amidst the frustration and insanity of rehearsal, fear, stubbornness, excitement, growth. Growth. This is all growth. Each one of us goes through these moments in life.  There is beauty in the breakdown.

Needless to say we didn’t finish rehearsal this night.

My teacher told me after things had calmed down a bit that indeed I was breathing. I was breathing bigger and more clearly than I had been before.

I went to bed with a little more air in my lungs tonight.

The air colors my lungs.

 

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